Water

So yesterday.

Yeah.

Yesterday was an adventure. It started off at 4 a.m. I was washing dishes while hubby came home, and noticed that the water pressure was low. Really low. I mentioned it to him.  He went around the house, testing all the faucets and everything. Going outside to trip the breaker box. Even going outside to our well pump with a flashlight.

The prognosis was grim. No water. The pump wasn't working. No clue why.

I messaged my Daddy and asked him for advice. After a hour or so he advised us to call the plumber in the morning and gave us the number for one. Well, Hubby was beyond unhappy, and started stressing. He was also dirty and grimy from work and now trying to figure out what was wrong.

I told him we were gonna take some empty kitty litter containers, our water containers, and ourselves to the park right down the street and use the spicket next to the tennis courts to fill our water containers.  I also told him he was going to use my waterless foam soap from the hospital to get a sponge bath and wash his hair. Then I gave him one of my anxiety pills, cause he was about to loose it. It could be worse, we'll get through it.

He agreed and we grabbed every mentioned container and packed into the car. He followed my directions and we arrived at the tennis courts.

THE SPRICKET WAS GONE!!

Omg! Seriously?!?!

Looking around and taking stock, I knew there was another spricket around somewhere, but couldn't remember where! So instead I turned to him calmly and said we were driving back down the street to the soccer fields and filling up water there.

There HAD to be something there! I just didn't know what cause I haven't explored the "new to me" fields yet. They didn't exist when I lived here before.

Did I tell Hubby I didn't know? Nope! Just stayed calm and acted very assured.

Well we pulled in and there was water fountains. Yay! I then spotted a sheriff's car and told him NOT to pull into the handicap space like he was going to. Yeah. We didn't need a ticket before the sun rose.

We successfully filled out containers with water. Enough for the kitties to drink, U.S. To drink, sponge bath with, and fill the water tanks in the toilets in case we had to poop. (Yes I said poop. ;) ) Back at home we filled the kitties water bowls to the brim, got sponge baths, brushed our teeth, and settled into bed.

I slept like a log. So many more bad things could happen. This was nothing to me.

The next "morning" about 1:30 p.m. I woke up to Hubby coming into the bedroom looking like he was gonna cry, kill someone, or explode. Maybe all 3. It wasn't a good sign.


$1400.

Huh? 

$1400, that's how much its gonna cost to fix the water pump.

Why?! What's wrong with it?

The motor's burned out but they won't fix just that they want to do the entire system. It's the only way they'll fix it.

Are you fucking kidding me? It's just the motor? Tell them you just want the motor replaced.

They refused to do that and it already cost us $85 just to get them to look at it.

I told him no and asked if the guys were still on the property. I was about to give them a piece of my mind. And maybe kick them in the balls. The dispare and panic in Hubby's voice was more than enough to punch me to hyper kill mode. Fuck that! $1400? We didn't have that, not even close. Instead of flying off my rocker at him, and luckily for the plumber guys who has already left, I did what I did last night, and kept calm. I'm good in emergency's. Really. Voice of reason and logic, that's me. Calming soothing presence. It just sort of takes over. So I told him I was going to the post office to drop off 3 packages and asked him if he wanted to come along, then we'd hit Lowes or Home Depot and see how much a water pump motor costs.

He grinned and told me if I went inside Home Depot with him I couldn't go crazy. Yeah...I'm worse in there than at a craft store. The smell of wood and building stuff really gets me turned on. Telling me I can BUY something in there pretty much has me jumping up and down. Going in there to price things, even screws and nails, and I'm like a puppy straining at the end of a leash.

I promised to be good.

This time.

We mailed said packages, and arrived at said super candy home improvement store. While I oo'd and ahh'd as we passed aisle by aisle of goodies (Wood! Pipes! OMG POWER TOOLS!!!!) I kept true to my word and stayed at his side instead of running off. 25 minutes, a couple phone calls to Daddy, a few questions to the guy who was working there, and me lining up some of the smaller PVC pipes in nice neat lines while I waited and tried not to wander off, we walked out $230 less in our bank account, but with a new water pump motor, PVC cleaner, PVC sealant, and a Hubby with a VERY determined look on his face.

Once at home, he ate breakfast while I crunched peppermints quietly, then he opened the motor box and read the instructions. The rest of the day was a myriad of phone calls to Daddy (who could have fixed it in a hour or 2 if he wasn't up in Minnesota), text messages to my brother, text messages to 2 friends who were coming from a hour away to help. Me getting sunburned while sitting nearby looking pretty and doing what Hubby called "keeping him sane". Our friends arriving. Letting the boys take over while I pulled Angela and her puppy into the back yard so we could finish water sealing the deck wood from last week.

New

Old

When us "womanfolk" were finished we went inside to clear room for her puppy to come in. he's a 50+ lb Golden Retriever still in puppy mode who stands on his hind feet taller that 5'. Just about the time we were finished and sitting down, puppy inside, we heard a shout. With just a glance to each other I told her to go! as I held the puppy back. She could run like lightning and I'm still trying to hobble around carefully. We THOUGHT someone got hurt. We were so SCARED that that was a shout for help.

THANKFULLY it was a victory shout.

Assholes. Scaring us like that. Unintentionally though.

VICTORY!!

Hubby replaced the pump motor successfully just as the sun was going down.

We then spent several hours lounging, treating out 2 friends to McD's for dinner, seeing them out to the car. And then groaning in soreness and pain on the bed playing Summoner's War on our smart phones. It was a good day. It could have been MUCH worse.

I am GRATEFUL for the luxury of running water. I'm actually considering getting rain barrels to catch water to use in case of emergencies. I have also been pondering how hard it would be to have one of those "old fashioned" hand pumps, just in case. I am also grateful that this DID happen. It cost us $400 we didn't have, but Hubby now feel much more confident in himself and his ability to learn how to fix/replace something around the property, and that's priceless.

His last name is Carter and mine is Wisniewski , and today he credited his victory to Team Wisniewski, who will do whatever they can to fix it themselves before bowing down to pay someone to fix it. He's proud to be a Wisniewski today. And I'm proud of him! I knew he could do it, and he did. With his own 2 hands and pretty much all by himself. I love this guy so much.

Self Hating

So as many of you know, I went to a wedding for my oldest bother and his amazing wife last month. I ordered a dress 3 months before that from one of those discount sites. Wish.com. With PLENTY of time for it to ship overseas and get to me to try on and hopefully wear.

Well, I got a message last freaking month at the beginning of the month saying that it was DELAYED! Are you kidding me? Well I had 3 weeks left and all my hopes and dreams of looking cute in that dress still took over. I'd wait. I did tell Hubby promptly and warned him that an anxiety attack was bubbling just below the surface off my tightly controlled emotions. He assured me that he's do whatever I needed and he'd help me look great. I love him. <3

Awesome. I was envisioning a long flowing skirt and simple cute top. That worked. I even told him so.

So weeks tick by, no package from China.

The week of the wedding comes up. My Daddy and step-Momma flew down and stopped in at least once a day. fun times. No dress. Told them about it and my step-Momma got so upset for me! It was adorable. I was focused on keeping calm. I had a back-up plan after all. The plan could be executed the day-before if need be. I was calm. I NEEDED this dress, every time I looked at it I reassured myself, this was THE dress. It was now up in Illinois in the USPS facility, it could get here in time. I ship ALL the time, I knew it. 

Well it came 3 days before the wedding. Daddy happened to have checked the mail and dropped it off. A little manilla package, just like I suspected. THIS WAS IT! I thanked him and kicked him out so I could go try it on. Ripping open the package, it was made pretty much like i suspected it would be. I might have to buy a shift, but it's all good. It was what I expected, quality wise, and material wise. I'm not an idiot, I make Renaissance and fantasy clothing, I know the quality of overseas(China mainly) inexpensive outfits. It was light and flowy just like I wanted for an outdoor summer wedding in Florida.

Then I tried it on.

It slid a tiny bit snugly over my chest as I pulled it on over my head. No worries, my boobs are big. 

Then it was all the way on and I was worried. Looking down at myself, my stomach sank. Did not look right. Whatever, everything looks different looking down at your own body, time to hop infront of the mirror.

Oh no.

Just no. This COULDN'T be happening to me. I CAN'T be looking like this. Nearly in tears I grabbed the belt and trotted off to the the other side of the house to the "workout" room that had a wall with a HUGE mirror. 

IT LOOKED WORSE!

No, I looked worse!

I measured at least twice when ordering this dress, cause I know how much smaller the cloths in China are. I ordered the LARGEST size to accommodate my boobs, knowing I could easily take it in on the waistline if I needed to. This was not right.

Then I thought it: You are not right.

I felt sick at the thought. but the proof was staring back at me in horror from the mirror. The top was too tight, it didn't fit as it should. The little cap sleeves were way to tight, the elastic pressing into my upper arms making them look like someone tried to stuff a watermelon into a tuna can. The waistline was non existent, I looked 8 months pregnant. The belt didn't help at all, hell it barely tied into a knot, forget the big fluffy bow it was suppose to make.

At least it's the right length.

I ripped it off in front of the mirror and stared at my naked body. Criticisms started leaking through. Yes my arms would be toner. okay I can accept that, whatever. But my stomach area...I couldn't accept it. Where was my waistline I use to have? Where is the waistline I have with my pants on? What's wrong with me? I had a YEAR to prepare for this why didn't I work harder? WHY?!?

It started getting harder to breath, and the walls were closing in. I had to get away. Carefully I backed away, out of the room, closing the door behind me. Walking across the house in slipper-clad feet, the storm of loathing began brewing. Going back to the bedroom I rolled up the brilliant green dress that stared mocking-ly at me and threw it in a wad on the bed. Cursed thing.

I donned my jammies and plunked my now loathed fat-ass into the work chair, trying not to cry. I had sculpts to work on. I had to distract myself.

Oh dear gods I needed a cold can of coke.

I posted a small bit of the disaster on FaceBook and not 5 minutes later got a message for my dear sweet Laurie asking me what size I wore, and offering to drive 2 of her dresses to Hubby's work so I could use them. I was in tears. So thoughtful, so amazing, so very amazing. Thank you Laurie.

The next hour was filled with people offering emotional support I didn't even know I needed. Oh how I needed it! I didn't realize until the support came through just how close I had come to falling completely apart. I was so close. So very close. Thank you everyone!!

Hubby called not 20 minutes later, to check and see how my day is going. I told him, simply that the dress was way to small, and we needed to go shopping tomorrow. I told him I needed a can of Coke. I told him how upset I was without touching on the fact that I was so upset at myself. He comforted me, promising to get up early the next day and go shopping with me, and no matter what we'd find something fantastic. He even offered me a can of his disgusting Dr.Pepper. (That was the only soda we had in the house.) He even suggested I take an anxiety pill, the ones we have for long trips and panic attacks. I thanked him. 

Before he hung up he said: "We'll find something, don't worry, you look great naked, and your boobs are awesome. Whatever it takes."

I took the anxiety pill and drank some water, then a shot of pickle juice. Breathing deeply. I'll live. The dress was just too small, your a real person, you are not a tiny little stick anymore, for gods sake! YOU HAVE BOOBS! You love those boobs. You are finally able to walk a bit again. Hell, YOU CLEANED THE ENTIRE FUCKING HOUSE ALONE! Doesn't matter if you could barely walk the next day, you did that! Hubby is going to be honest with you, he always is, if you look bad in something he's gonna tell you. He always does.

By the time he came home, some 7 hours later. I was wrapped in a tissue-paper thin cocoon of knowledge that we'd find something, no matter what. He was sore and exhausted from work, and I offered to go shopping early in the morning alone so he could sleep. He adimently denied it saying he was going with me no matter what time I woke up. 

The next morning came, the DAY OF THE REHEARSAL. Daddy came over to look at his collection and get some things ready to bring up north when he and step-Momma flew back up after the wedding. Hubby and I left. There was 2 hours before the wedding rehearsal and we were Bee-lining it to Ross. There had to be something there, Mom found her outfit there. I didn't know precisely how far away "there" was, but it was in a town about 30 minutes away, we'd get there and back, no problem, right?

WRONG!

It was further away than we realized and took an hour to get there. Just enough time to LITERALLY pull into the parking lot and turn around to leave for the rehearsal. That didn't help at all. But it was open till 10 p.m. the rehearsal started at 5, we'd have time. I just kept telling myself that. I had an anxiety pill in me, forced Hubby to pull over and order a not so wanted first meal at McD's while I pottied, and we were off to the rehearsal!

It was fun. The site was amazing, we had a bit of a tiff trying to find it, and since Hubby like to be to appointments early or at least on time (so do I) we were panicking a bit trying to find the damn place. We were told 5 which translated in Hubby's mind to starting at 5. Well, we pulled in at 5:10 ready to apologize, a bit tense at each other (not mad mind you just tense cause we were being late and I suck at directions, seriously, and he thought I knew the way there. Yeah not so much.) finding that the bride and groom hadn't arrived but were en-route picking up all of our dinner. Heck only a handful of people, including the pastor was there when we pulled in.

The site is BEYOND amazing it's an historic manor house in Florida called Chinsegut Hill Manor House. I felt as if I had been there before, and I had a dream involving this place last year, a very vivid one, but I'd never been here before! Hubby had the same feeling, as if he's lived here before. It gave him chills. 

My step-Momma was astonished how calm I was over the dress situation. I knew causing a scene in any way or getting upset wasn't going to help anything, so I let it slide. Going with the pull of the tides. I got a great big hug from her for that.

Once everything was said and done, we vowed out, ready to make another dash to the fabled Ross before it closed. Once in the car I told him not to worry about it and we'd hit up another store much closer, and failing that Wal-Mart. As we pulled out of the manor's drive and onto it's private road an entire herd of 5-7 deer burst out from the woods in front of us in the car, galloping in their bouncy way, over the road, and bounding over a fence, only to gallop across a HUGE field. We watched in amazement, it was breath-takingly perfect. As he drove us away, I turned and watched the deep gallop across the field as long as I could, they hadn't even made it half-way across into the next wood line before I couldn't see them again. We were driving SLOWLY too.

Back on the main road, we pulled over to Bells, a Florida based-store (I don't know if there's any outside of Florida, but there are a LOT of them down here.) and went inside (I hobbled wishing for one of those little electronic buggies). Kev took command and literally went from section to section pulling dresses from the racks, that he wanted to see me try on. He almost had a heart attack at the price of the first dress ($165.00!!) but had me try it on anyway.

"If it looks perfect on you then we're getting it, it doesn't matter."

Dress, after, dress, after, dress, after jumper thingie; was tried on and quickly discarded. My tissue-paper thin cocoon was tearing. I looked awful! I looked worse than awful! What is wrong with me? Why can't I try harder, why can't ANYTHING look decent on me? Why is my body so awful? Why? Why? Why?

We left the store empty handed, on our way to Wal-Mart to find something ANYTHING that would work, be dressy, and well, just get me through the damned day! 

Plan: Skirt or pants and a cute top

I think we were there for well over a hour, with me trying on and discarding so many pieces. It wasn't right, it didn't look right, and even Hubby agreed. Most importantly he agreed I needed to be happy with my look. 

There was one huge question I had: Why the HELL did I wear this shirt today that would have been PERFECT to pair with a long black skirt tomorrow? Cause I wanted to look nice. Damn me.

After some talking, disguising, and contemplating, we picked up a black pair of pants (cotton, loose, and breezy) and a long black skirt in the same vein. Those 2 items worked. I had a similar shirt in a different colour, I HAD to have SOMETHING in my closet for a shirt, right? If not then I was going shopping in the morning the DAY OF THE WEDDING for a damn top. 

When we got home that night Hubby and I both searched the ENTIRE house for my shirt. To no avail. I tried on every non-t-shirt I had with the pants. Nope. Well fuck it. Seriously, I'll just get up early and find a damned shirt that works with my boobs.

That night I went to bed scared.

I have NEVER hated myself.

I have NEVER hated my body.

I have NEVER felt less of a person.

I have NEVER felt like useless piece of trash.

Today I came damn close. I was shaken to the core, and I had to really think.

• Did I hate myself or am I just upset I don't have something cute to wear?
• Do I actually hate my body or just hated how the cloths looked on it?
• Am I less of a person now that I have a full figure instead of my former pencil thin body?
• I don't think less of larger people, why am I feeling like this about myself?
• Am I useless? Am I really?

I went to sleep with answers.

• I love who I am, what I am, and how I am. Would it be nice if my waist was smaller? Yeah, but whatever. Fuck the clothing! I can (and do) look at myself naked in the mirror and smile, every damn day. I don't dance anymore, and I can move a lot less than I use to. I "traded" in a size 1 for huge boobs that I NEVER thought I'd have and I look AWESOME in a corset.
• I hate the clothing. I've never been one for shopping. I loath it, even at size 1, and let my baby sister shop for me. I now live in jammies pretty much while I work during the day and it's great. I have jeans that I look HOT in and my shirts fit my personality.
• I can't be less of a person. I have become more over the years, physically, emotionally, and mentally. I've gained confidence in public (even though I have a HUGE fear of crowds), I've used my former "life" as a dancer (not a good one), singer, actor, stagehand, and many other things to help shape my life as it is today. Also thanks to modern medicine I'm not a shut-in like I was probably going to become.
• I have friends of all sizes and shapes literally. Hell all my old cloths I gave to my best friend who is a tiny pencil herself that fits in them perfectly. I look at her wearing "my" stuff and feel envy, pride, and a tiny bit of jealousy. (That WAS my favorite pair of jeans, I use to rock those!) Why? Simple cause I use to be that small, but I'm not, and I'm still jelly when she wears my pants cause I miss wearing them! I have friends who are MUCH bigger, than myself and I love them just as much as my best friend. I don't judge them for their size but for their hearts. I don't see size really in friends, but I see my own size. I have to remember to see my own heart too.
• I am NOT useless. I have a Hubby and kitties and they all depend on me in one way or another. I have all of your people also, who usually stalk me for me art, and I LOVE it! 

The next morning I got up early, put on my skirt, packed my "traveling bag", made sure the pants were in it too, got my makeup on. All quietly done, only to turn around and see Hubby sitting up in bed pulling a shirt on, getting ready to go out. He didn't say anything, but his words were never more clear; "You are not alone, I love you, I will not let you go through this alone. I don't care how tired I am you are what's important." I barely held back tears.

As he was dressing a notion came over my mind and I stepped into the closet pulling a shirt of the hanger that I tried on last night with pants, and just didn't work. I owned this shirt for years and have never ever worn it, ever. Stepping out of the walk-in closet Kev looked at me and stopped. 

"You look great! Last night with the pants it didn't look right, but, Nicola, you look great!"

My heart fluttered at the sincerity of his voice. "You sure? It's not as good as you, but good enough for a wedding, good enough to stand next to you? Even with my black sweater?"

"If you want to go shopping we'll go, but you look beautiful, it's just right."

That settled it. Shopping could go fuck itself, we were getting dressed for the wedding, and then going to Publix before the turn-off to the road in the middle of nowhere to grab breakfast. Doughnuts, glazed, fresh from the bakery and a drink. We don't eat them often and it IS a special occasion, and damn it, I felt right in the world again, completely. My Husband thought I looked pretty, and that's all I needed.

I donned my newest prize jewelry set from Lexy, wrapped my ankle in teal tape (which ironically matched my shirt perfectly), grabbed my yellow converse (cause I knew I was gonna need them before the wedding, I'm still very iffy walking and standing), and we were off!

The day was perfect. Ed and Katie were married. Kev took a couple pictures of me (his fave is one I really don't care for, lol, and it isn't posted), and we danced.

I never want to self hate. Ever. This is the closest I have come.

I am me. Still recovering from a bit of a sunburn from the wedding , but I am me and I love me.

As this...

As this new year has started, new opportunities happen, new fears are realized, and new life situations arise. Not that I'm complaining!

I spent the entirety of January in bed with Hubby and the evil flu virus. I don't know what was more hellish; the body aches or the state of misery. I'm gonna go with body aches on this one. The nurse practitioner that saw me actually gave me 5 pills of something that masked the pain a good amount. Its the same or a similar something that is given to cancer patients that helps them deal with chemo treatments. At the time I didn't care, ANYTHING to help feel better. But looking back on it I'm all like; "Holy hell, really?!?"

Shortly after the flu and it's evilness ebbed I had to go out of town for a visit to the Doctor that prescribes my anxiety meds. Apparently there's a new drug test required to get the meds, which I am fine with. Pee in a cup, wait, get cleared, get meds for the next 3 months, go home. Easy, right?

Except I failed!

What the hell? *le sigh*The Dr sent his nurse practitioner in to "talk to me" and see what pain killers I've been taking. I was honestly stumped. I've never done drugs. I haven't had prescription pain killers since August (foot surgery), and I felt like a lost jackass. Also I was starting to panic that I would be denied my anxiety meds. I've never done drugs, I rarely if ever drink, and even then it's at home with a half cup of Madori and Sprite that I share with Hubby, I don't even smoke. It was probably the stuff I took to cover the flu symptoms, that I didn't bring with me.


Well I was given a talking to and given a 3 month waiver. And told I had to come back for a new drug test, if I failed that I'd be denied the anxiety meds. Shaking I thrust the new prescription to Hubby and begged him to get me back home.

That didn't really pan out the way I wanted it to, we had to go get it filled, and then went out to eat, and THEN got new phones.

Yeah, NEW PHONES!

Hubby was turning the day around in an awesome way. We have had flip phones, forever. No texting, just calls. We upgraded to newer flip phones after my riding accident about 5-6 years ago. Now we were standing at the store looking through smart phones. It was crazy! The guy helping us was much older, and super nice, pointing out the phones we could freely (or at low cost) upgrade to in out plan.

Hello Apple iPhone!

It's a 5c, it's green, it's cute, and it's mine! Muhahaha! (Hubby got a white one).

Well while Hubby was getting all these extra things, like a cover, screen protector, and whatever, I was planning on ordering a special made cover to match my business cards. Yeah.We were then thrust into the world of not knowing how the heck to type efficiently on those things, as were were getting them set up (still in the store). Seriously I felt like a bull in a china shop.

Whatever, we got them, got set up, and went home.

2 days later I was in unbearable pain thanks to a broken tooth. I'd take the flu ANY DAY over that kind of pain. It got so bad the night before I went in to get it pulled (thank you Hubby for making me an emergency appointment), that not even swishing with Jack Daniels (nasty stuff btw) would numb it anymore. I honestly didn't think I was going to make the hour drive to the Dentist.

On 3 separate occasions I seriously considered flinging myself out of the moving car and getting in an accident, because surely that pain would be better than the pain I was in. It was that unbearable. Getting x-rays in my mouth was slightly more torturous. Thankfully the lady understood and was super fast, even though we had to try a couple of times cause I kept gagging.

Then the Dentist came to look at me, and the x-rays, saying that the tooth had a very long root down into my jawbone, and might not numb up. She talked about a specialist dentist, and how if she pulled it I may have nerve damage up my entire jaw. I asked her if she'd tell Hubby, cause I couldn't make a decision.

Thank the gods she did! I was literally "out of my mind in pain" as she put it.

Hubby said to yank that bad boy out if I got numbed up and the numbing stuff took. The even allowed him to stay in the room with me as the right side of the jaw faded into puffy numbness. (They were even going to let him stay for the pulling, but he dashed away going pale.) It took a bit of yanking, me squeaking from the pressure, and the Dentist going for the biggest plier things they had in the place, when almost 10 minutes later it was yanked out of my head.

I believe my exact words the moment it came out was; "Mother pooper!" followed by grateful babbles of thanks, before they has me be quiet again for the sutures.

That damn tooth was LONG! It was a wisdom tooth too, and I was amazed how long it was. I almost asked to keep it, but in a bit of spiteful vengeance I let it be disposed of. Never wanted to see the damn thing again. Until these past couple days. Oh well.

The next week was me recovering, being ripped away from my blissful cans of Coke, no straws, no candy, no sticky foods at all. But I was determined. I didn't want dry socket. Hubby had it once and I never ever EVER want that. Believe it or not its worse than the pain I just went through. Yeah, no.

I did go to my soon-to-be sister in laws bridal shower. Thank goodness all of her family new what happened to me, and I was drugged up. They were surprised I actually came, expecting me to be in bed still! Sweet ladies.

I finally started feeling like a normal person again in the past 2 weeks. The cough from the flu has receded so much, my mouth is healed up, and I am slowly getting energy back. Yay!! Also, I have not drunk Coke on a daily basis even though we have a ton of it in the fridge. I'll take a sip of Hubby's can once if I want to taste it, or have some if we go to McDonalds, but drinking it everyday 1 - 3 cans, hasn't happened.

Do I miss drinking Coke? Yes. I miss that caffeine rush and the nummy taste.

What am I drinking now? Water mostly and the occasional GatorAid bottle.

Will I ever fully give up Coke? Not in this lifetime most likely, but having some shared with Hubby once a week is a nice treat.

Back on topic!

Finally feeling better. Still weak and get winded, but not as easily as before. New smart phone, yay!

I'm blaming Blogger!

Okay so I have poofed for a year. I'm blaming Blogger for this, not wanting to work.

So much has happened! Elvenspun has gained over 1,800 followers! I had my first foot surgery (right foot). My baby brother came home safely from overseas. My oldest brother is getting married. My middle brother and his wife and child are being stationed stateside, in Texas. My Daddy is getting married!

Unreal!

So many things, where to begin?

First off, thank you, all of you. Family, friends, fans, supporters. EVERYONE! Elvenspun could not and would not be where it is today without each and every person who has interacted with me. I know that. I love you all!

 I have met and made friends with so many amazing people. Fans, who turned friend. Artists who have turned into friends. New peoples who have turned into fans. It's almost too much! I know EVERYONE says it; but tell me a year ago that I'd be where I am now, and I'd roll my eyes at you. It really is a thing!

I'm going to post my entire foot surgery from start to finish in a later post. Heads up, while not bloody some of the pictures may make you queezy. So look out for that post.

I have joined the Jewelry In Candles team as a seller! This is to try and make a little money. I loooove the candles and tarts and had the opportunity to sign up for $1 so I took it! My first party will start on Thursday the 26th of February. It's an online AND in-person party. I'm super nervous. Anxiety is not my friend here, but I do have a pill to take that day to keep me calm. Remember, jewelry comes in BOTH Tarts AND Candles, not just the candles. If any of you reading wants to purchase through my Store, please send me a message here or via Facebook and I'll get you a 10% off coupon.

I have 2 weddings to go to this year! Crazy. One is in Florida and the other is up in Minnesota.The Florida one is for my brother and his Fiance. It's next month. I ordered a dress from Wish (anyone ever order from them?) and I HOPE it gets here in time!

The Minnesota wedding is gonna be COLD in October or November. I keep trying to tell Hubby that we go up for 3 days for the wedding them fly over to Massachusetts for a week or so to visit his family and EAT GOOD FOOD. He keeps laughing at me. I may or may not be making the dress for this wedding. We'll see.

Hmmm...let's see...Oh yes!

My Middle brother, his wife and their ADORABLE little girl are being stationed Stateside in Texas for a few years!! YAY! They've been in Korea, Germany, and then back in Korea longer that I want to admit. They are close, a 3 day drive away, and even though I won't be able to drive to visit them, knowing that they made it safely and are now settled in makes me so happy!

I'm gonna leave it here. I gots clay work to do tonight and still have to eat breakfast!

WTF

I don't know what's going on with Blogger, but I've been trying to write blogs for 2 weeks now and in the middle of nowhere it just typing.

It's not my keyboard or my pc, it's Blogger and it's incrementally annoying.

First!

I got a request for a miniature sculpture commission last week. Uber excited! Spent part of Tuesday (during the game) roughing out the body. Got Seimi's opinion of it and fattened the little guy up and let it be. Till Wednesday. I got my little laptop over to the living room (which no longer houses our computers) pulled up a picture of the guy and detailed out his eyes, hair, eyebrows, and tail. Pretty easy.

THEN I spent 2 days waiting for my client to update her email (I had an old one) and give the go-ahead to cook the little creature. Thankfully she loved him and I fired him up.

Today I worked out the shirt it wears and the name that goes on it and sent her some more progress shots. She gave me the last of the colouring detail a few minutes ago, and even though I REALLY WANT to finish painting him tonight I'll start fresh after Hubby leaves for work.

No pictures. The commission is a surprise for her sister, and even though I highly doubt that there's a snowflake's chance in hell that she's even be able to find this blog, I'm taking no chances.

Miss...housework? ...waaaa?

I'm thrilled to say we played D&D yesterday. It was even better than our mini-session 2 weeks ago!

I'm still hurt, unable to walk around properly. It's beyond annoying. I actually had a mini-tantrum a couple nights ago, determined to walk without the help of my makeshift cane, a.k.a. the swiffer. Hubby did raise his voice  bit to me and chastised me. Can't say I blame him, he was in severe pain too and I probably was the last straw. He didn't yell though, gotta admit that, or curse at me. Just chastised me on being irrisponcable, and how was I to heal, if I didn't let myself?

Well good question.

I feel beyond fucking worthless lately. I can't even do the measly household chores. No sweeping, no mopping, no vacuuming, no laundry, no dishes. Though I did convince him to put a stool next to the sink and I could sit my-regaining-weight-ass on it and wash dishes, but I can't put 'em away. The only thing I don't miss is doing the kitty litter. Not that I ever minded doing it, but I don't miss not doing it.

It's amazing how messy the place gets (and dusty!!) without me doing anything. It's also amazing how pissed off I am that is is messy. Hubby does dishes, and kitty litter, and laundry, but hardly sweeps or vacuums, not that I blame him, he's already working 8 hours a day and driving 2 hours on top of that, AND he's been making, serving, and cleaning up after dinner.

I miss helping out. I miss cleaning. I miss being able to fucking move around the house!

Goal

So I've been very bad at blogging these past few weeks. Not making excuses, it is what it is.

I've been in extreme pain with my left heel. It still hurts like crazy, but I fibbed a little to Hubby and told him I think it might be getting better slowly. He needs to stop stressing so much.

I have been making new sculptures, Halloween in theme and I'm proud to say I've come in contact with several very accomplished artists who actually like my work. I'm also proud to brag that my two personal artist friends have been absolute dolls and have helped get the word out about Elvenspun. Thanks Seimi and Zuri! *muah*

No sales yet but I have a Givaway out in full swing!

100 likes and I'll be giving away one custom sculpture. Dragon, Horse, Unicorn, Pegasus, or Pseudo Dragon!

Start having your friends, family, pets, children, like and share this page! Only catch is that you have to pay shipping ($5 US, $16 everywhere else)

Rules:

1. Like AND Share this page.

2. Leave a comment on what kind of custom sculpture you'd like.

I gotta get this business moving, especially since my ability to walk is diminishing. Even after the surgeries, mobility won't be what I'm use to in the slightest. Heads up! Get sales, get more materials, get more sales, go sell stuff at Cons! Yup that's my goal. I want to be a sellable success online and at conventions.

Trials of life.

So much happened since this past Friday night.

My left foot started hurting badly.

The next day, Hubby was sick and called out, by then I couldn't walk without severe pain. Needless to say he wasn't happy about it, but the day was proceeding smoothly. We made a meal of some nummy fried chicken, and his frickin' tooth broke!

I froze, sure that the day would turn to shit in a matter of seconds, but he took it rather calmly. He expected it to break and better at home than at work. He was upset, don't doubt that, but it was an accepting upset.

Sunday revealed that his tooth hurt more than it had the day before and I was in much more pain as well. It chafed that I couldn't get up and take care of Hubby, that instead he had to wait on me. By Sunday night I could barely hobble to the bathroom.

Monday Hubby went off to work in a fog of frustrated anger leaving me at home stuck on the couch. The pain got so bad in my foot I thought the bone was fractured. I called my Mom and asked her to come over and take a look at it. She did and put heat on my foot on and off for about a hour. She also had me use my Swiffer sweeper as a makeshift cane, which worked oddly well. Hubby did go on a search in the dark for actual crutches that were fabled to reside in the outside shed.

He came up with a set that I say was made for giants 5'10" and taller. That won't work for little me. So Swiffer-cane it is, for the moment.

Tuesday came with the knowledge that we wouldn't play D&D. Hubby's mouth hurt too much and he was still in a mood. I stayed quiet, still in severe pain and hobbling back and forth from the bathroom. A hour or so after being awake, Hubby got a call from Seimi saying that her and Zuri were in town. I quickly suggested that they could hang out for a couple of hours even though were weren't going to play. Hubby agreed.

Long story short, they came over, sopping wet from the Gulf waters, we hung out, chatted, talked, and even played D&D for a couple of hours! It really was a great game and lovely day.

By the time I got to bed the pain was so bad that I had it. I broke down a bit and vented to Hubby about the pain and how ridiculous it was that I was denied disability twice. I hurt that much. He was sweet as ever and said we'd get a lawyer, if I got the phone numbers to call. He'd make the call and start everything. We also agreed that he'd call the dentist and set up an appointment for his broken tooth.

Wednesday, I'm proud to say, he has a dentist appointment for this coming Monday, which means he'll have to work on Tuesday and not have it off. So no D&D game, but it means he'll be in less pain. I also have a handful of phone numbers to call.

Now all we do is wait. Well all I do is wait, the poor Hubby works.

Remember

Today, 12 years ago, I was getting ready for college classes, and as normal turned on the news. There was a special report on showing a airplane flying to the first of the Twin Towers in New York. No one new what was happening. I remember true shock and astonishment watching the first plane crash into the tower. The tones of the news reporters change as they tried to hold their composure.

Still no one knew what was happening, but I knew something was terribly wrong and i couldn't be alone. I went into Hubby's (my boyfriend at the time) room and told him to wake up. He grumpped and grumbled, but I didn't relent and dragged him into my room to watch the t.v. We stood together, astonished to watch the second plane crash into the second tower.

Still we didn't know what was happening. I tried to explain to him about the first tower and then the news reported a terrorist attack. Transfixed in horror we stared at the t.v. watching the fires and then the one of the towers go down. All the phone lines were busy and as the news tried to keep up with the unfolding horror they reported which schools would be closed and which remained opened.

I am still disgustedly ashamed that my college remained open. I didn't go in that day. Hubby was the General Manager of a United Artist Theater and he had to go in a couple of hours later (normally the theater opened around 1 p.m.) to see what corporate said.

We sat around the concession counter, he and I and 2 other employees, listening to a radio. A phone call came in, which Hubby answered, and the theater was ordered not to open it's doors that day. We locked up and drove around town, just to see which businesses were open. It was a ghost town. The only place that seemed open was a Regal Cinimas, offering free movies, popcorn, and drinks in an attempt to help people focus on something other that the  terror, destruction, death, and violation of the day.

We took up that offer, and even though I have no memory of what we watched. I remember standing in my bedroom, staring at a small colour t.v. trying to understand what was happening. I remember watching, helplessly, as people ran from the dust cloud, as the towers collapsed, as people jumped out of the towers to their deaths, ad it all unfolded. I pray to every God and Goddess out there that it never happens again, that the people directly affected can find a sort of peace, that those who were murdered may rest, and those indirectly affected learn, accept, and make peace in their souls.

I know that the Two Towers were not the only places attacked, there there were more planes and places and souls murdered, but I watched the Towers, that's what I remember that day. I have never been so profoundly grateful that my Hubby was next to me that day and that I listened to my instinct.

Would you like fries with that?

That's probably going to be my new line, IF I get hired at a fast food joint.

It's not my first choice, or second, or third, but...beggars can't be choosers, right?

Well whatever.

The only thing that can save me from re-entering the corporate world is my sculptures actually selling. I'm praying that they do. Need to network more I guess.

My head is going to asplode.

Be distracted by the cuteness that is Orion in my lap this morning.

Bright sun is bright

Let's see, I wok up early today, at noon, so so early, cause I thought I heark a knock at the door and then a car horn honking an hour before. Needless to say I didn't get up then,but I couldn't get back to sleep. Makes sense, right? Thought so.Deciding to get up I puttered around the living room quietly with our 5 kitties each seeking attention, checked the interwebz, and then looked outside.

Hella bright, but breezy. "Oh yay!" I thought, "I can finish glazing my beasties!"

Went potty, washed my hands, and pulled my hair back before hauling everything outside, and planted my happy ass on the back patio, where I noticed, we did indeed have someone that knocked on our door earlier. A lovely package my baby brother ordered had apparently arrived. Okay, so I pulled it inside, and sat back down on the patio to get glazing.

Every thing was going well, for about five minutes before everything started getting really hot, thanks to the sun. No biggie, I just shoved the glaze & tweezers in the meeger shade, and kept working.

Well.

I glaze over aluminum foil, cause it dosen't become one with mysculptures or let anything stick to it after drying. Good idea, right?

Maybe, maybe not. Eventually everything loooked like this:

Sun bouncing off the aluminum = bright.

Who said you could be so bright sun?

Also I may or may not have gotten a little sunburn, I was only out there for a half hour, tops!

Take Two

Okay, so today was the second day of sunlight we've had in the past 3 weeks. After procrastinating for a hour and a half (also Orion was sleeping on me), I took 4 trays of Dragons, Unicorn, & Pegasus outside and went to town glazing the beasties. Only to come to a screeching stop.

I had been planning on glazing over the top of the old sticky glaze, the first one I tried. Yeah, well that's not going to freaking happen. Everything was covered in hair and dust, no big deal. Until I tried to dust them off! Everything was stuck. Son of a @#*&!

Okay, okay, so I got some tweezers and started to pull each individual thing off. Wasn't working. I got a clean toothbrush and tried to brush the stuff at least towards the edge of the sculptured. Didn't happen. So I hauled out the shop vac and vacuumed the damn things hoping to suck off all the little pieces. Fail.

Several colourful utterances later, I glazed what could be glazed. The beasties who were freshly painted and had never been touched with the first nasty glaze. then packed up everything and resigned myself to repainting everything else.

Yay.

I'm sitting here half-way done, kinda worried that I'll get impatient and rush the paint job. It's difficult not to rush, especially when I just want something done already. Gotta keep reminding myself to focus of quality and this time around I have some paintbrushes for miniatures.

This last little guy needs some repair work.

Why a ride on lawn mower is like riding a horse.

Other than the fact that it's. you know, not a horse.

Riding a actual horse is like nothing else in the world, let me just clear that up. I probably won't be able to get on the actual beast for a long, long time. We're just going to blame Hubby for that. But! Since I have to make do with my ride-on lawn mower, I have noticed several similarities.

First, the light breeze that kisses your face and flows through your hair. The simple pleasure of being under tree shade after riding in the harsh sun. Feeling each and every bump while your body fights for balance in the seat on uneven ground. Controlling the speed as best you can while looking out around you for dangers, and always end up not seeing something until it's too late. Enjoying the simplicity or movement and successfully maneuvering around objects. Once the course is complete, there's the dread and ugh feeling of cleaning up afterwards, but when your all cleaned up and finished there's great satisfaction of a ride well done.

The most similar thing though, is when your on your freaking period 

and ever tiny movement is torture!

Give me a horse any day, especially my beloved Glow.

Thunderstorms

No D&D game yesterday, which was a huge disappointment, not only to our friends and myself, but to Hubby also. He wanted to play so badly but he was in so much physical pain from the past weekend, it just wasn't possible. No matter how many times he apologized to me and said he wanted to play on and off all day. We did have a pleasant day though, oddly enough, both of us agreed to that. I also drug him out to Wal-Mart to get kitty litter for the kitties and 2 scoops of some Jamoca Almond ice cream from the 24 hour Baskin Robbins/Dunkin' Doughnuts that's in the store for him. It's his favorite ice cream. I've never tried it so whatevs.

For almost 15 days straight now we've had rain and thunder and lightning every afternoon (when we wake up) which is lovely, but not so lovely for lawn work. We're now 3 weeks overgrown in the front AND back yard. It's crazy. I'm honestly afraid to walk in the grass it's so long, probably up to my knees.

Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to mow finally, maybe not.

Silence

Yes I know, I haven't posted. No, I'm not sorry. It's just difficult to post when I'm feeling so negative and upset. What I would have written could have been taken the wrong way and shit could have hit the fan. So I stayed silent, letting time and the days unfold as they will.

So I'm applying to work anywhere and everywhere, even if I do have serious doubts about it. Not that I don't want to work, but if I can't even make it through Wal-Mart without nearly falling on my ass and my knee popping out, how the hell am I suppose to stay on my feet for a 6-8 hour shift? Whatever. I'm gonna try. We'll see how things go.

In other news Orion is on the brink of a growth spurt. His ears are too big for his head, his paws are too big for his legs, and his tail is super thick and longer than it was. He's also the only thing that can consistently make Hubby smile. Really truly smile, and that makes me smile. I haven't heard him cry with his baby "mew" lately, he has been doing an interesting sound but it's rare and I've yet to identify it.

Happy Birthday Hubby!

This past weekend was Hubby's birthday, and he spent it home, having to do nothing. A nice change from getting up and driving a hour in the heat, only to work in a hot building, then driving a hour home. It could be worse, but it could be better, much better.

Anywhoo...

We spent the first 2 days playing Final Fantasy XI online. Then on the third day we were going to play D&D, but I got sick, and we played Final Fantasy XI again. THEN we played D&D last night, on the fourth day. It was a 8-hour battle, but so much fun! On a side note we also made 6 pots of coffee in the house, never happened before.

I did get him a card and made him a little present, let me show you:

He's holding the Complete Divine. The little book next to him is the Player's Handbook, and he also has a stack of character sheets, quill, ink, and a new kitten. (Our new kitten Orion.) He's painted with 3 different shades of green acrylics, 2 browns, bronze, and has his own gold rimmed glasses. The foot pads are painted in a metallic peridot green, to represent Hubby's birthstone.

I'm not going to go into the dark side of what happened this weekend. Let's just say stress is winning over for now. It is, things are tight, but I have faith that it will all work out.

Happy Birthday my dear sweet Husband!

Ugh

So yesterday I went up to the city to go to the doctor, get reevaluated and all that fun stuff. It went well. Hubby and I ate lunch at Burger King. I went to Barnes & Noble and got a book, then went to watch Wolverine. The stars must of aligned cause My sweet Seimi and Zuri showed up to see the same movie. It was nice, we hung out after for a bit.

Till...

..well...

In the lobby of the theater...

I...

...ugh...

Totallythrewupinfrontofthem.

Soooo unexpected. Came out of nowhere. I never did that in public. Ever. Hubby has never had to clean up after that. Ever. Embarrassing does not begin to describe it. I swear I apologized a gazillion times.

Ugh.

Quiet day

Well yesterday, I can happily say, was an amazing game session! Hours upon hours of nail biting excitement. Good friends, good game, great DM. I didn't want it to ever end!

Today is different. I feel icky and tired and anxious. The only redeeming thing so far, is that Orion is stretched out on his back across my body purring and sleeping, front paws crossed. I'd take a picture but I'm nekkie and don't have an account set up to charge people to look. :p

There are 4 huge crows on my lawn strutting their stuff, entrancing Ivory. Almost as big as him. It's rainy and thundery and cool. Squee is walking around making his own sounds. Ebony is sleeping next to my leg, and Zentara is stretched out on the floor napping. Exciting, right?

That reminds me...I've lost a total of 10 pounds so far! No clue how since I moved, I haven't worked out, or really eaten "well", but that's a bit exciting! The 10 pound loss, that is.

I suppose today is going to be a lazy day. Haven't even brushed my teeth yet. Soon as Orion moves I'll do that and eat a dry bowl of cereal, maybe even brush my hair. Big plans.

Tomorrow I go up to Ocala for a Doctor's appointment to get re-evaluated in hopes of them prescribing me the anxiety meds. Then I get to splurge a wee bit and go to the craft store to pick up some sculpting tools and maybe the book store for a book. We'll see how it goes.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Today is my Daddy's birthday, he turns the big 60. It's also the very first year since I was born that he's not nearby at all. So instead of baking him a 7 layer yellow cake with chocolate frosting and giving him a big hug and gathering with my siblings while we sing "Happy Birthday", I posted a message on Facebook and called him. I'm torn between sad and calm. Glad he's up with his fiance and having a good time, sad that he's not here.

Daddy and I have had our ups and downs while I was growing up. We argued incessantly, fought over the stupidest things, and almost never saw eye to eye. Mom said that's because we're too much alike. I have to mention though, no matter how much we didn't get along, Daddy always, and I mean always, saw each and every show I was in at least once, without fail, no matter how far away I was. Our relationship got much better after I moved out and went to college and even better after he stopped asking me when I was moving home. We're downright perfect now.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Daddy and my baby sister on her wedding day.

 

 I love you.