Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Time apart.

First off I want to say thank you to my two friends who helped Hubby and I move. It was back breaking hot work, and hard. 2 days straight of it was pure insanity. Thank you is just not enough. Give us about a month and we will be able to show you our thanks.

We're not 100% done, but we are 94% finished after Hubby and I did some more today.

I'm not gonna lie. Hubby is beyond upset and pissed.

At me.

Because we had to leave the apartment that was our home for 4 years.

Because of me.

Livid is too gentle of a word.

He's too much of a gentleman to ever raise his hand or even his voice to me, but there are other signs. And those signs make me want to burst into tears and hide. It's even worse that there's literally nothing I can do to make it better, at all. I've tried and even asked. Nothing.

Both of us being exhausted, bruised, and so sore we should probably be checked into a hospital isn't helping the situation

Tuesday night, after we were all finished, and drove down to the house, and then back up to the apartment. He was amazing and ran a great D&D game for just a few hours. Then everyone left, we showered, and settled down to camp downstairs on our futon mattress, he sobbed.

Angry, frustrated, angry sobbing.

I held him silently, kissing his shoulder and hands, letting him get it out. Knowing it was all my fault. Felling completely helpless.

After it was done, I apologized again, and asked him not to leave me.

He said he wouldn't, but he was still angry,his voice held a razor's edge.

Today... went, fairly well.

We worked in tandum. Laughed dropping donations off at Goodwill when a HUGE lightning and windstorm sent the wheeled carts flying everywhere. He even rushed to catch me as the wind nearly knocked me over. He had to work for a couple hours today, after 3 power outages, I helped him program the new releases and previews (read off his checklists to him). We dropped a couple more items off at our storage unit, and even had a picnic breakfast of Publix subs earlier in the day. He evenbought me a sweet tea from McD's when he got himself a frappe. And then, he took me to the craft store so I could pick up more paint colours, he even tried to find a 40% off cupon in an attempt to get me more Sculpey.

I thought the day was going well.

We drove in separate cars down to the house. He very sweetly suggested for me to stay here for the night,knowing how exhausted I was. But under that sentence, the razor's edge loomed. The toll of everything was being felt again.

We unloaded two cars and he started looking for his work clothes. The expression on his face and glint in his eyes belied, soft words meant to sooth. I knew he wanted to be alone, to have time to vent and fume.

We planned out the day tomorrow.

I will be coming up to the apartment when he calls, after he wakes up. He'll go to work and I'll move everything left into easy-access piles. Load up the trash and deposit it in the complex's area. Then vacuum the entire apartment. After that's all done, I'll go to his job and probably watch a movie or two, then we'll drive to the apartment, pack up whatever, and either drive back down to the house or camp out for a last night.

Tonight will be the hardest night, knowing what I know, and him needing time apart.

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